JulieU

While I am avoiding my research paper, enjoy this post...

2008-11-25T18:43:00.001-05:00

Julie: Hi, I'm Julie, I'm a crazy dog lady.
Crowd: Hi Julie

I learned something about myself today. I am a crazy dog lady.

No, I have not decided to dress Lizzy up for the holidays (although I am not ruling that out just yet, as I haven't planned our annual Christmas card photo shoot yet). And no, I am not throwing her a wedding and marrying her off to the dog next door (although she and Charlie would probably like that).

No, I am one of those, "Is that so-and-so's dog in the front yard? They must have gotten out! I need to run out into the street and try to get them to go back home!" kind of crazy.

Yes, I did it again, I saw that our neighbor's very large and very scary german shepherd was out of their yard and three doors down at the corner house. Jimmy, or so I think he's called, was about to round the block, probably on his way to being lost. So, me, in my infinite wisdom decided to run out my front door clad in my flannel pjs and slippers, to try and get a german shepherd, that I had never met, to follow me back to it's home.

And darn it, if I didn't do it! Running down the street, clapping and calling what I thought was the dog's name...I think I managed to scare him so much that he ran home. He actually ran and sat on his front porch. I can just imagine what my neighbor must have thought when she opened the door (obviously reaching for her mailbox) to find her german shepherd on her front porch and her pj clad neighbor running up the lawn.

While I was thanked and felt that I had done a good deed, I realized today that running around the neighborhood in flannel pajamas is probably the best way to get a very undesirable nickname. I can imagine it now.

Neighbor #1: So, did you see that Flannel McDog-Chaser re-landscaped her front yard?
Neighbor #2: When does she have time? She's so busy running around the neighborhood in her pajamas!

And that is the 356th thing I have done today, other than finishing a research paper that's due this evening. Yay me.

Let's get down to business here

2008-10-06T11:53:00.002-04:00

The election:
In case you haven't figured it out, this is one of the most important elections of our times (every election is important). Please vote. If you follow my tweets, it's not hard to figure out my candidate of choice. However, I want to encourage everyone (even those of you who are dead wrong and voting for those other people) to VOTE!!!

The economy:
Wow, can it be any more messed up? I used similar techniques of hiding bad financial decisions when I was in college and working retail, frequently resorting to bail-out packages to pay for my love of shoes. I'm not sure how I feel about that bailout package that was passed last week. I kinda think it rewards bad behavior but I'll leave that analysis to people smarter that me.

And now to more serious matters:

Dog school:
Lizzy continues to do well at dog school even though her fellow classmate, a german shepherd wants to chomp her. Max's hatred of Lizzy makes no sense other than he reads her body language as aggressive rather than playful. Or he's got something against retriever/husky mixes. Dunno. Those germans are an odd lot.

Here's a pic of Lizzy at her Beginner Class Graduation. She's wasn't a fan of the cap we tried to put on her. She's kinda wearing it too far back, reminds me of my high school graduation where I wore my cap virtually parallel with my spine (but I had to accommodate my bangs, in all their 1990 awesomeness)

Makeup:
I experienced Ulta for the first time a few weeks ago. Looooovvvveee their eyeshadow!

Movie standards:
I have determined that I will watch pretty much any movie with George Clooney in it. Not because he is pretty, but he makes some interesting choices in the roles he selects and seems pretty smart yet he doesn't take himself too seriously. He's now been added to the list of trusted actors (he shares the list with Robert DeNiro and Will Ferrell--but not for the same reasons). After seeing 'Burn after Reading' I may add Brad Pitt to that list.

That's all for now.

Julie U, where are you?

2008-04-02T22:30:00.002-04:00

Ahem, well, it has been quite a while now, hasn't it?
Hmmm, what's been going on, letmesee here....

I've gotten a promotion, started my master's degree, gained weight, lost weight, bought some clothes, donated some clothes, gotten my hair cut, let my hair grow, polka'd, left on vacation, returned from vacation, tried acupuncture, signed up for facebook and myspace, gotten rid of my yahoo email account, started using my gmail email account, removed most of my old blog posts, visited babies, prayed at funerals, laughed at weddings, let my bangs grow out, started referring to the urban dictionary a lot more, started using our treadmill, stopped using stamps, bought a food steamer, returned a food steamer, been drunk with friends, been drunk with coworkers, laughed a lot, cried a bit, changed my cell number, got a new cell phone, found a career, stopped drinking pop, started drinking lots of water, was rude to fellow travelers, took a water aerobics class, took a women's boot camp class, used our george foreman grill, figured out the water jug puzzle from Die Hard 3 a few times, fell on the ice, volunteered at a women's shelter, went to an OHL hockey game, bought some pens at staples, saw some movies...well the list goes on an on.

Suffice to say, I've been busy.

WHAT A COOL NIGHT!!!

2006-10-15T22:20:00.000-04:00

Last night the Detroit Tigers clinched the ALCS and will be going to the World Series.

And I was there!

Mr. Noland scored some tickets and drove 10 hours to Detroit to go to the game...and he took us with him.

Here's some pics and video!

Here I am with my husband while it was sunny and still kinda warm in our upper deck seats (along the 3rd base line). Notice I am not wearing a jacket.

George Kell threw out the first pitch. Look out Al!

Clouds arrived just as the sun was setting. Around this time it was 3-0 with the Oakland A's in the lead.

It was still 3-0 and it was getting COLD!!! While the scoreboard said it was 50 degrees, we all knew it was -15 degrees. Brrr!

We were happy to see Magglio tie the game and then catch a fly ball hit by Milton Bradley.

(from youtube)

We were soon in the bottom of the 9th with two outs...and then it happened...Magglio hit a homer with two men on to end the game! We're going to the world series!

Comerica Park went NUTS...

...and so did the boys!

The celebration continued while they were setting up the stage for the American League Championship Trophy Presentation.

(from youtube)

And the MVP was...Placido Polanco!

It was a great night and one that I won't ever forget...and I know what I'll be doing at work tomorrow, around 10am...trying to score tickets to the World Series!
More pictures of Game 4 here.

He was my world for 6.5 years.

2006-05-30T07:52:00.001-04:00

Riley
199? - May 27, 2006

The decision came friday night, where after several nights of Riley wandering the house, Godric and I concluded that Riley had either suffered some sort of stroke or was in extreme pain that prevented him from laying down.
With his lack of eyesight and hearing, the wandering and confusion he was suffering was heartwrenching.

I know he's in a better place now, but that doesn't change the fact that I miss him so much I hurt.

Please, no calls, emails or comments. This is too raw.

And the winner is...

2006-03-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

...because I think saying 'and the oscar prize goes to' is far too PC for this blog.

This year was unprecedented because we had a FOUR WAY tie for first.
Suzy, Mark, Paula and Jason all tied with 10 correct answers.

While checking all the submissions it became clear that the two unexpected winners, Crash and Original Song "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" threw a monkey wrench into most people's entries. In fact, of the 4 first place entries, none of them got the best picture correct and only one got the best song correct.

Here's how I decided who won the prize...
Since not one of the 4 got the best picture category correct, I focused in on the next top categories, best director, best actor/actress and best supporting actor and actress.
That ruled out Jason and Suzy because Suzy missed the best actor category and Jason missed the best supporting actor category.

So that left Mark and Paula.

Mark and Paula's entries were very similar because they got a lot of the big categories correct but faltered in the smaller categories.
So, I decided to look at the music category. Neither one selected "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" as the best song (which almost made Jason the winner merely on that choice alone) , but Mark selected Brokeback as the best Score. Paula chose The Constant Gardener as best score.

CONGRATULATIONS MARK, YOU ARE THE WINNER.

Gene, tell him what he's won...

...Mark will be receiving a $20 gift certificate to a fine eating establishment and a one day supply of 'Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat'.

The correct answers:
Best Picture Crash
Best Director Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain
Best Actor Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote
Best Actress Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line
Best Supporting Actor George Clooney for Syriana
Best Supporting Actress Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener
Best Original Screenplay Crash - Paul Haggis
Best Adapted Screenplay Brokeback Mountain - Larry McMurtry
Costume Design Memoirs of a Geisha
Original Score Brokeback Mountain
Original Song "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" - Hustle & Flow
Best Visual Effects King Kong
Best Animated Feature Film Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Best Documentary Feature Marche de l'empereur, La
Best Documentary Short The Golden Age of Norman Corwin
Best Live Action Short Six Shooter
Best Animated Short The Moon and the Son

Entry results:
Suzanne: 8
Thor: 9
Suzy: 10
Darrell: 8
Kathleen: 5
Brian: 3
Corinne: 6
Azita: 6
Mark: 10
Jane: 4
Glen: 9
Cindy: 8
Sharon: 4
JP: 7
Kimmy: 3
Clay: 8
Shawn: 6
Leah: 8
WDB: 4
Don: 5
Davo: 6
Paula: 10
JulieU: 8
Jason: 10

Most people chose Brokeback as best picture.
Only 3 people chose "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" as the best song, so congrats to Jason, Clay and Kimmy. Way to think outside the box you guys.

Thanks for playing. If you would like to see how you did, per category, leave a comment with your email address and I'll send that right over to you.

Julie

It's JulieU's Oscar Contest.

2006-02-06T08:05:00.000-05:00

Win a fabulous (really, on the mediocre side of fabulous) prize!

Play here

Winners will be announced when I get around to it.

Who's who on this blog-additions

2006-01-19T17:50:00.000-05:00

I've made some updates so check at the end for the new people...this will help you with one of the new features I am installing in the next few minutes.

To protect the (not so) innocent, I have changed the names people/places for the purposes of this blog.

Godric-The husband.

KatM6-A female friend, you can read her blog here.

BT-A very Polish male friend.

Davo-A not so Polish male friend. Check out his record label here. His name hasn't been changed because we never use his given name.

DD-An extremely Polish male friend that makes the best pierogies. You can read his blog here.

Mr. Noland-A friend from college (who married another friend from college). He was quite the ladies man. Karma got him tho' and blessed him with 3 daughters. I could post a link to his blog, but he never updates so nevermind.

Mrs. Noland-A friend from college (who married another friend from college) and bore him three girls (two of them are twins)

The Noland Girls-Noland Offspring, The oldest is MC and the twins are GE and MA.

Spoozy-A friend from college that we were recently reunited with. You can read her blog here.

Foodie-A friend from college is really into food. He's a good cook. First rule about dinner at Foodie's house...you can read his blog here.

Candidate-A friend from college that is involved with politics.

Salsagirl-The current-former-who knows girlfriend of the candidate. We've all stopped trying to figure it out.

Mr. Mexillent-A Sueve dance instructor/hospitality workin' type guy.

Mrs. Mexillent-A friend from college who married Mr. Mexillent. She's fine.

Mr. & Mrs. Rockin'-Friends from college, with their son, Wee Rockin'

The Mighty One-A friend from college who worked on the school newspaper with me. She was there when I burped and uttered the immortal words 'Damn, I could have finished my fries'

Giggles-JulieU's friend from high school. A great mom with 2 alarmingly pretty kids. We'll call the kids Princess and Muckdog for now.

Mr. & Mrs. DogTBH-Our friends who dressed as Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife for Halloween a few years ago. One of them also uses the word dog in their email address.

Mr. & Mrs. KISS-Not because they are KISS fans, but because of the word that appears in their last name. They have two daughters Z1 and Z2

Mr. & Mrs. ZN- Because of the ending of their last name. No other reason. They have a daughter that I'll call Wee ZN.

Julie the Jinx makes her way to Iowa

2005-11-15T19:44:00.000-05:00

I was in Iowa visiting

and a couple of these...

and the Julie the Jinx phenomena continued...

Less than 100 miles away, in Iowa, a town was wiped out by freak tornadoes.

We noticed that Saturday night the winds were pretty darn strong. Gusts were measured at 38 miles per hour.
I had a great time and got to play a bit of Barbies with MC. Excellent!

I haven't been writing much...lots of stuff to do and most of my computer time is spent keeping up with my rss feeds. Have you checked out how many I read? Yep, all those sites on the left side of this page are feeds I keep track of (rather my bloglines keeps track of them). Either way, it's a ton of reading (on any given day I read over 250 posts on technology).

I've been pretty interested in the whole Sony Rootkit debacle. If you haven't read a thing about it, well, the geek world is ablaze with the tale of Sony's malicious software.

It seems that when you pop some Sony music CDs into your computer, the autorun feature (that most XP machines have--click to learn about disabling this feature) will automatically load software that allows Sony to 'protect' it's property from illegal sharing. This is also affecting Macs!
What this rootkit also does is open a hole that anyone can exploit. It masks software on your machine that you would never know is running unless you use a rootkit scanner (which you have to be a pretty computer savvy to even know about).
Where the danger comes in, is the fact that any hacker can write a virus that exploits this same software and load other malicious things on your machine. Much in the same way keyloggers and other nasties can run on your machine without your knowledge, these programs can hide on your machine. On top of all this, if you try to delete the offending software, you can disable your CD drive. Finally, the uninstaller Sony has provided makes the problem even worse! Nice, good job Sony.

If you are interested in the timeline on how this story evolved, check out this link.
For a list of infected CDs, check out this link.
And just so you don't feel like a fool, here's a story about just how many networks are infected.
It's so bad, that Microsoft is even treating this software as malware.

Finally, today, Sony announced that they would be exchanging the infected CDs. Too little too late.

Now, for the rootkit scanner that you need to find this malicious code.

That's why I just haven't had time to post. Yeah, that's it.

I promise a much more interesting (and non-technical) post soon.

The vacation jinx

2005-11-07T22:35:00.000-05:00

Ok, after seeing the rioting that is going on in Paris I am now quite sure that either Godric, or myself are jinxes. I think it's all my fault.

Here's the evidence...
Julie and Godric visit Florida in February 2003 to spread the ashes of Godric's Father. I've always hated that area of Florida (both times Godric took me there)...
...Punta Gorda and the surrounding area are leveled by a killer hurricane in 2004. Granted, this destruction took a while, but read on.

Julie and Godric miss their cruise ship and end up staying in New Orleans in January 2005. While everyone had a really good time in NO, it was a huge hassle...
...New Orleans is wiped off the map by a hurricane in 2005. However, the area we loved the most in New Orleans, the French Quarter was saved...the city where the incredibly average hotel and crappy italian restaurant were, Metairie, suffered lots of damage and flooding.

Julie and Godric have to catch said cruise ship in Cozumel. Julie states that Royal Caribbean and the pier in Cozumel (due to the poor design) are 'dead to her'...
...on April 20th the ship we were on hit the pier and was damaged. Cozumel was wiped out by a hurricane in October 2005.
The ports of Grand Cayman and Costa Maya (where we had exceptionally good times) were unharmed.

Julie and Godric go to Paris with family in early August 2005. Both Julie and Godric decide that one visit to Paris is enough and they are done with the french...
...Paris experiences 9 days of rioting and has had over 500 car fires in the last few weeks.

So it just goes to show you...it is very important that I have a good time on vacation!
Look out Belize! Our next vacation has been booked.

Much to my surprise, our dog does not know Feng Shui

2005-10-19T23:29:00.000-04:00

This evening, Godric let Riley outside around 11pm. Since Riley has problems getting up the basement stairs, my husband decided to shut the door to the basement and leave Riley upstairs...with no supervision.

For a while we heard a lot of nails clicking around on the hardwood floor. Then it sounded like furniture moving. I figured that Riley had finally decided to make the living room more of 'his space' (since his bed is in there) and was moving things around, kinda Feng Shui like.

Now, you have to know that Riley lays right in front of the basement TV. While I am watching mindless room redecorations on HGTV, he's snoring away...which, I figure is like the womb, you could retain some knowledge while you sleep. I'm no scientist (no, Julie, say it isn't so) but why else would they make those cassette tapes you're supposed to listen to as you fall asleep if you are fat or want to quit the cancer sticks?

Anywho, once it sounded like major furniture was being moved, like the couch, I decided to move my fat arse upstairs to see what the hub-bub was about. I mean, afterall, if the dog was going to move the couch, he was going to need some help since it is a La-Z-Boy and all.

And then I found him.

His head was facing the wall and he was pinned between two chairs in the living room. His back legs were giving out and he was pretty well screwed.

I moved the chairs...he just looked at me.

I moved the entire dining room table and he finally made an attempt to get out of the position he had worked himself into. You see, Riley's turning radius, due to his bad back, is that of a tractor trailer hauling a doublewide trailer at 10 miles per hour. And that's a good day.
Since he had been trapped and for that matter, upright for about 5 minutes, his back legs were giving out and I had to basically guide his butt out of the diningroom prison he had found himself in.

So if you have a dog, and it is unsupervised in a room and you hear furniture moving in said room, it's probably safe to assume that they aren't rearranging things.

Learn somethin' new everyday.

The love boat....exciting and new...come aboard...

2005-10-17T20:00:00.000-04:00

We're back from our 1 week on the Mexican Riviera.
Aboard what else? A Princess ship...for those of you that were in a coma in the 70s, that's the line that was know as the Love Boat, made famous by a certain tv show.

The Mexillents, Godric and myself figured that if we wanted to do the Mexican Riviera correctly, we should do it on a Princess ship...I mean come on, who didn't spend their Saturday nights hearing POOR-TO VI-ARTA being announced by Captain Steubing? One of the many life lessons I learned from Charo was that Princess 'owns' the Mexican Riviera.

Our trip was very nice. For me, it wasn't particularly relaxing simply because I'm pretty relaxed most of the time anyways. That's just how I roll.

Our trip began by flying into LAX on Friday night. The Mexillents had flown in earlier in the day to spend some time with Mr. Mexillent's brother, who lives near LA.

I noticed something odd about the LAX Marriott almost immediately. There were lots of people wearing black fishnets with various hair colors, piercings and a large percentage of women wearing black lipstick.

Hmm, odd but this was LA so I busied myself with checking in.

Mr. Mexillent strolled up and informed us that we were in the midst of a 'Hot Topic' Managers Convention.
This explained the fake goth kids. Ah ha! It was all making a lot more sense now.

After checking in, we met Mr. Mexillent and his brother in the bar and witnessed more Hot-Topic-Fashionistas. The colors and clothing choices were simply mind boggling. I didn't have my camera handy so I'm unable to share with you the crap-tacularness of the Hot Topic store managers but rest assured, they all sucked.

The next morning we met our transfer to the ship, the Sapphire Princess.
While it isn't truly the sister ship to the Star Princess, the ship Godric and I sailed on in 2002 to Alaska, there are striking similarities. This made finding things, from my standpoint, quite easy.

We had two days at sea where we just basically lounged around and hung out. The ship has 5 pools so finding a good spot is not a problem. We even managed to get Mrs. Mexillent into one of the pools.

On Sunday, we had our first 'formal night' and we all realized that formal means different things to different people. If a golf shirt with khakis is formal wear, then these people must all be lifeguards wearing their bathing suits to work because the just didn't get the gist of formal wear.

Our first port was Puerto Vallarta. Go ahead, say it in that 'Love Boat Announcer' voice. That's what I was doing all trip.

In Puerto Vallarta, we swam with dolphins. That's right. We went on a ship excursion to the Vallarta Adventure Thunderdome (or something like that, I don't remember the actual name) and hung out with dolphins for a couple of hours.

Things I learned at the Thunderdome:

Dolphins scratch very easily. You can't wear jewelry when you are in the pools with the dolphins because they can be hurt.

Dolphins are incredibly sweet. Whenever you pet them, they would flip on their sides (like a dog) so they could get their tummies rubbed. This turned out to be a double edged sword because the girl dolphin tended to crap in the pool when you rubbed her tummy. Eck!

Some dolphins are gay. When it came time for the dolphins to 'kiss' us, Godric and I swam out to the designated spot, and both dolphins (a boy and a girl) made a b-line to Godric to kiss him. Godric got gay dolphin lovin'.

Life vests are some people's friends, just not mine. When you are a large girl with an ample chest, it makes it difficult to fit a life jacket properly. Basically, what fits fine, if not a bit snug on land turns into a wet hood that slowly slides over your head making you have to talk through the armholes. Nothing is ever easy.

Our next port was Mazatlan where we took a tour of the Sierra Madre. Some of it was beautiful. Some of it was depressing. Most of it was interesting due to our tour guide Maria. She seemed to be a mover and shaker because everyone in every town knew her and she passed a lot of cash to people on our travels.

Here's our tour guide, Maria, explaining the finer points of making things with mud.

Here's Maria's joke: "Look, a Mexican Taxi!"
Brutal.

This is a flower with a yellow butterfly that Mrs. Mexillent wanted me to capture. It was outside the church in Cordoba. The only reason why I remember the town's name is because I think a Cordoba was a car in the 70s, also it reminds me of 'corinthian leather' that Ricardo Montobahn talked about...and if you remember your 1970's ABC TV Schedule, you'll remember that Fantasy Island was on after Love Boat. See how I bring that right back around? Stunning. Simply stunning.

This is a picture of the beautiful countryside of the Sierra Madre. I took this picture after our bus driver practically drove our bus off the side of a mountain to find a spot for some lady to take a picture safely. I, of course, hopped off the bus as well.
It was only after I was trudging through underbrush that I remembered that our tour guide had listed the many poisonous snakes that were native to the area. This picture is now evidence of #17 on the list of "Stupid things Julie has Done".
(For those of you keeping track, number 16 on the list is 'Buying rollerblades in 2001'...fat clumsy girl on rollerblades, better have 9-1-1 on speeddial).

Back on the ship, while we were in the harbor we saw this fake Pirate ship hauling a boat load of people looking forward to being drunk and having sun poisoning. Upon seeing an advertisement for the ship as we were leaving on our Sierra Madre Tour, Godric commented (in an awesome pirate accent):
"The Pirates aren't real, but the B.O. is!" I married a very funny man.

Our last port was Cabo San Lucas where we took a costal cruise to see Los Archos. Off the shore of Cabo are some really cool rock formations. The weather was beautiful and so were some of the homes and resorts we saw dangling off the cliffs in Cabo. I'd like to go back and spend some time in Cabo San Lucas, because it was so beautiful and because it was also the shortest port time we had (arriving at 7am and leaving at 2pm).

Here's a pic of the famed Los Archos...

I'll be eventually photoshopping the boat out of this picture. Boats were everywhere!

This is a shot of someone parasailing near our ship.

And finally, here's a picture of house I'll buy once I win a huge chunk of money. This place was GORGEOUS!!!

I also experimented with the panoramic feature of my camera and took this shot...

It is much cooler a lot larger...

That night was our last formal night and I am pleased to say that more people dressed for the occasion.

Our last day of the cruise, was a day at sea where the captain was hauling arse to make it to LA in time for disembarkation. We all found things to do (I went to a class to learn how to make ribbon roses, Mr. Mexillent read a book, Godric was a winner on the ship's Match Game and Mrs. Mexillent napped. Mrs. Mexillent was not about to go to another crafting class after I made her go to the 'mexican wrap-basket making' class on one of our earlier 'at sea' days.)

Here's Godric on the Match Game where he won a lovely Princess Cruises reversible tote bag.

The ship was rockin' throughout the day and evening since we were going full tilt. With the help of my little friend, Bonine, I was upright and able to eat my final dinner (something I have been unable to do the last couple of cruises).

Speaking of dinner, we had two great servers, Mirko and his assistant, Rogie. They were a funny team. Mirko is about 25 and Slavic, Rogie is 45 and Filipino. We witnessed many funny and interesting interactions between Mirko and Rogie. At one point, Mirko scolded Rogie by saying, "If you can't read their cards, why don't you get glasses?"
Very funny. I guess you had to be there.

A bit about our rooms...
Our rooms were nice, but smaller than we are accustomed to…we're used to a balcony room with a bed and couch area and these rooms were lacking the couch. By most people's standards, the rooms were huge but having that extra couch definitely spoils you. Our balcony was gigantic, it fit 2 large chairs, a table and 3 smaller chairs. It was double the size of a standard cruise ship balcony. It also had a door that made our two cabins have adjoining balconies. This was great because we could move between the rooms without having to go out in the hallway while not having to completely surrender our privacy to each other.

All in all, we had a nice time. Here we are, happy and relaxed.

We’re planning to go on another cruise with the Mexillents, probably in February, and probably leaving out of Galveston (to save on the airfare). Drop me a line if you are interested…

If you didn't get enought pictures in this post, you can view my shutterfly album here.

"Stay away from the mexican h00kers* "

2005-10-06T06:17:00.000-04:00

Last night, I was talking to my next door neighbor. We were outside for quite a while (so long that I missed LOST...can you believe it?)
Anyhow, I always make a point of telling her and her husband when we're going to be away and who is staying at our house. They make a point to look out for suspicious activity.
Here's the transcript of our conversation about our Mexillent trip...

JU: Remember that we'll be gone next week. ___ will be at the house staying with Riley.
Neighbor: That's right. Where are you going again?
JU: Mexico.
Neighbor: Well, just stay away from the Mexican h00kers
JU: Huh? Well, um, yeah, I kinda had planned on it, but just for laughs, why should we stay away from mexican h00kers?
Neighbor: Apparently they're putting eyedrops that are used in eye surgeries in men's drinks and after they pass out, they're robbing them.
JU: Um, ok, well, since we don't eat or drink anything off the ship anyways, nor do we frequent h00kers, I think we'll be safe.

I told Godric about my conversation with our neighbor and we both laughed...and then I found this.

Ok, so it is confirmed, mexican h00kers are not safe. Good to know.

*since I don't want to get googled by every freak and sex-addict in the universe, I used zeros instead of 'o' so h00ker wouldn't come up on a search engine. Anytime you see something like this in my blog, assume that's the reason.

08/3/05 Giggle's Grappling Questions (very late due to vacation)

2005-08-16T07:40:00.000-04:00

Giggles: What is the percentage of twins born from in vitro? If two embryos are placed is a woman more likely to have twins or one baby?

JU: I guess we're talking about the percentage of twins to live births regarding in vitro. Boy, having never considered having children and having never dealt with fertility stuff (in fact, discouraging anything about my fertility for decades now), I really don't know. I'm gonna guess that in vitro birth numbers are 50/50 and of the 50% that conceive, about 10% would be twins. I don't think the number of in vitro twins would be any higher than the national average. I guess I'm betting on the fact that some of these women have serious fertility issues and their whoo-ha's can't support more than one baby.

Let's look at the research...
From this website:

Twenty-seven percent of Swedish women who become pregnant after undergoing in vitro fertilization have a multiple birth, compared with 1% of women overall. Babies conceived via in vitro fertilization are more likely than others to be born preterm, to have a low birth weight and to have congenital malformations. However, the results of a retrospective registry study suggest that these outcomes are mostly attributable to maternal characteristics and the occurrence of multiple births, rather than to in vitro fertilization.

So the Swedes have done some research on this and found that it is true, women that have more than one embryo implanted tend to have multiples.

I guess this means that a woman undergoing in vitro would be 27 times more likely to have multiple babies than another woman.

Speaking of having babies...
This post on Metafilter caught my eye.

Willful Barrenness
Check out the latest abominable sin from the folks that bring you Justice Sunday.
The sexual revolution has had many manifestations, but we can now see that modern Americans are determined not only to liberate sex from marriage (and even from gender), but also from procreation.

Nice.

Ok, I'm going to try to get to another Giggles grappling questions so I can get caught up...

53 Hours in London...

2005-08-09T07:40:00.000-04:00

Yes, you read it right. We spent 53 hours in London, and other than missing Harrod's (pretty much the only thing I really really really wanted to do in London) we covered a lot of ground.

Day 1: We landed at Gatwick and took the subway/train system into town, arriving at Waterloo station. Since our hotel room wasn't ready, we stored our luggage and dragged ourselves over to the London Eye. It was pretty much right next to our hotel and was a low-stress activity to burn off a couple of hours...in other words we didn't have to think too hard with our sleep deprived brains.
Here's Godric taking in the sights.

That's one happy Godric.
Here's pics of Parliament, Big Ben with Westminster in the background.

After taking in the London Eye (which is totally a tourist thing and totally worth it) we ate what some in our group considered a crappy lunch and then made our way to the hotel. After a couple hours of sleep, we went out to forage for some more food.
Fish and Chips, sure.
While Godric shopped at a record store, I walked around and TheDad and The'Rents went off to find a pub to partake in some tasty fish 'n' chips. After finding what could be the only heavy metal gay pub in London, much less the world, my family elders found a place more to their liking. So, some of us had fish 'n' chips and some of us (me) had Goat Cheese 'n' Pepper Pasta (and it was darn fine).

Walking home I got some cool night pictures of some of the London sights.

Day 2: An 8 hour tour with Godfrie
We (I) decided that since our time in London was short, we should pay for a tour that would show us the major sights in a short amount of time.
Our tour started at 8:30am and ran until 4:30pm or so...here's what we saw/did

Saw Prince Albert's statue that was pretty much right across the street from Prince Albert Hall.

Westminster. We couldn't go in because it was Sunday and all the god-fearing folk were in there. This was the first instance where asian tourists got in my way. This will become a theme throughout our time in Europe.

Here's one of the cool carvings in the stone on Westminster Abbey.

Of course we went to the changing of the guard, we wouldn't be able to call ourselves London tourists if we didn't. I managed to film and get pictures over the heads of asian tourists. But still some of my shots have little black heads at the bottom.

The gate from St. James park to Buckingham Palace. Notice: Asian tourists...

The pub we ate lunch at, right near Trafalgar Square.

Yep. Trafalgar Square.

After being carted around in a bus for most of the day, we took a boat ride (still on the tour) up the River Thames to the Tower Bridge.

Where we went to the Tower of London and saw the crown jewels (which are housed in this building). There was a moving walkway in front of the crown jewels so the asian tourists could not linger. But they still got in my way.

Here's Godric and I in front of the Tower of London. You can see that his mouth is open, actually, he's saying:
"Sure, take a picture of us, make sure you get JulieU turning sideways like she does in every picture we take together so she looks slimmer. You are so busted"
Damn! He knows my trick. Turning sideways and sort of hiding behind him. Yes, that's me, busted.

After the Tower, we were picked up by our bus and taken back to our hotels (or in our case, into town so Godric could try to find the Virgin Megastore-which was totally disappointing-and TheDad could get a Hard Rock shot glass from London.

Later, on our way back from our adventures, TheDad, Godric and I were walking through St. James park and got a shot of Buckingham Palace through one of the clearings...pretty!

That concluded that day...
The following day we made our way to the British Museum before our death defying trip through the chunnel.
Here's Godric checking out the rosetta stone (which to his disappointment had been encased in glass a mere 2 years ago--the last time Godric saw it he could have touched it).

Since I'm not the most museum oriented person (I know, being a history major, I am an anomaly), I busied myself by taking pictures of greek/roman carvings that featured guys taking it in the 'nards. I had a whole series going but decided to show you only the cream of the crop...

I think you have to be a pretty good warrior to take it in the jewels from a half man/half horse thing while getting choked. That's all I'm sayin'.

Finally, our last picture from London is this one...

This is where I told Godric to look at whatever it was the guy in the kilt was looking at so I could take a picture without him knowing. Nice.

Well, that was our 53 hours in London.
I've loaded these pictures and many more here. Take a look if you are interested.

Next up will be the summary of Paris. Since I hated the city, it should be a pretty short post.

We're back!

2005-08-08T20:09:00.000-04:00

I'll have details regarding our family vacation to London & Paris in the coming days...stay tuned.

London calling...

2005-07-31T15:33:00.000-04:00

Godric and I are sitting in an internet cafe across from our hotel, which is right next to the london eye, which is right across the river Thames from Big Ben...ok, London totally rocks.
We are leaving tomorrow on the Eurostar for Paris and I don't wanna go...I haven't even made it to Harrod's yet.

Yesterday, Day 1 with the family, we managed to make it to our hotel via several underground trains. Yes, folks, we took the tube and survived.
We took a really expensive ride in the London Eye (huge frickin' ferris wheel).
We also made it to Oxford Street so Godric could do some shopping. While here the Grandparents and Father Figure went to find and english pub for us to dine on english fish and chips. After finding what must be one of the few heavy metal gay english pubs, they found a place a bit less 'european' where they (and Godric) had lovely fish and chips and where I had a fabulous goat cheese pasta.

Today, Day 2 was a day long tour where we saw the changing of the guard, the crown jewels, trafalgar sq, and lots of other things. We spent the entire day with Godfrie our tour guide. KatM6 would have loved him.
Conclusion: It seems your not anyone over here unless they erect a monument to you.

Everything is super expensive and to top that off, I'm not finding any cool sleeveless shirts of the Union Jack so Godric and I won't be doing any Def Leppard impersonations anytime soon. Damn!

Gotta go, I'm almost out of my internet time...
Next stop, France!

ANNOUNCEMENT: NEW BLOG FEATURE

2005-07-27T06:15:00.000-04:00

Last night Giggles and I spoke on the phone, and she had some follow up questions regarding the chunnel.
We discussed how she has me do research for her. For example, recently she asked me what a Hollaback girl was, I found the answer and emailed it to her. Simple.
There have other instances where she just asks me things out of the blue. Often when we are on our way to Target or TJ Maxx, she uses the time to grill me on anything from world events to how to conduct business on ebay. You know, everyday topics. Normal.
So, last night we decided that a regular feature of JulieU's blog will be:

Giggle's Grappling Questions

Every week or so Giggles will be asking me questions that I'll be researching and posting my results here. I'll also post my initial response to the question just for fun, that way we both have the potential of coming off like total dorks. Fun, huh?
(Don't you worry your pretty little head, I'll be coming up with a cool graphic for this feature)

...and now, our follow-up to the Giggle's Chunnel Series.

Giggles: After reading your stunning reports I am more certain than ever that sharks abound in the channel. Now, I've been thinking...Are eels prevalent in the area? :)
If you were in 150 ft of water, wouldn't the pressure make something explode? And futhermore, if you were trying to swim up to the surface, would you have to pace yourself so you wouldn't blow up or do some kind of damage to yourself?

JU:
Sharks/Eels-Yeah, this is what I put up with. Her freaking me out.
However, I too am pretty convinced that there are sharks there as well but no one has noticed them. The sharks are going to eventually get sick and tired of eating teenagers in florida (since they are mostly dark, muscular meat) and go for the white meat that is the English people. Just my opinion.
As for eels, well, I just can't think about that. Nope. Not at all.

150ft of water-I don't think you would blow up or anything, because I think people still scuba dive at that depth, however they are wearing wet suits, so maybe that keeps your guts in or something. I dunno. They never really talk about that in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
However I'm pretty sure that when you are at that depth, that you need to watch how fast you come up to the surface. I think the bends becomes an issue.
For me, if I were trying to swim to the surface, post Chunnel b0mb, I'm sure I would get the bends because I'd be all "Get me to the surface so I can bob around and become shark/eel food."

And now for the research:

Eels in the English Channel-
Ok this is the first site I visited and this is enough research for me...

Habitat:Conger Eels favour very rough ground and inhabit deepwater wrecks, reefs and broken ground. In shallow waters Conger are mostly nocturnal feeders, but in depths of 60ft or more they feed at any time.
Food:Conger are bottom feeders more than capable of catching live food. They will hole up in a wreck or rough ground and ambush lesser species. They will take fish baits, crab, cuttlefish and squid. The most popular bait is a mackerel 'flapper' produced by taking the whole fish and removing the backbone and tail, allowing the flanks and innards to flutter in the tide. If it is available, a whole live pout can prove deadly.
Range: English Channel, North Sea, Irish Sea

Regarding underwater pressure and its effect on the human body:

I found this information on a website dealing with breath-hold diving
Divers of all types - SCUBA and breath-hold, recreational and commercial - risk decompression sickness (DS) that may severely disable them or cause death. DS occurs when inert gas bubbles, usually nitrogen, accumulate in the body as a result of improper decompression during ascent.
....At 30 feet below, Mehgan's body loses its natural buoyancy. She stops kicking and begins to plummet through the sea. "You're sinking like a stone, but you still feel that weightless feeling, like you're free-falling," she says. As she goes deeper, pressure begins to build on her head and body. Her internal organs contract, and her eardrums bend inward.
...Kicking against the heavy water column pressing down on her, she has to be careful not to swim too fast and burn up what little oxygen she has left.

Summary of findings:

There are eels in the English Channel.
Things in your body actually contract rather than explode in deep water.
Decompression sickness (the bends) can happen to any type of deep sea diver, scuba or breath-hold. While you wouldn't explode, you could do some serious damage to yourself.

Conclusions:
On that breath-hold website,

...Mehgan Heaney-Grier let all the "what ifs" intimidate her, she may not have made it to such great depths with her diving. On October 21, 1996, before boatloads of press, family and friends, Mehgan dove to 155 feet (47.2 m). Ten months later, she swam past her own record, reaching 165 feet (50.3 m) below the surface.

Ok, so a trained breath-hold diver has a personal best of 155 feet and she wasn't involved in a chunnel b0mbing...no hope for this girl, especially due to the body losing it's natural buoyancy at 30 feet. I've come to rely on my natural buoyancy.

Futhermore, even if I made it out of the chunnel, I'd be eaten by an eel or shark so just nevermind. Really, nevermind.

So, Giggles was correct in her worries about sharks and eels, and she did guess that you would have to pace yourself in ascending from a watery grave, however the body contracts due to pressure rather than exploding at great depths.

I was correct in my initial thought that the bends would be a factor however I was misguided to think that the scuba suit had anything to do with keeping your guts in you when you are diving. I had no comment on the eels so I am just as surprised as the rest of you. If you are indeed surprised.

This concludes my ideas of surviving a chunnel b0mb. I'll be writing our wills in the next day or so...email me and call dibs on our stuff.

...a conversation with Giggles

2005-07-26T06:38:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I spoke with my friend Giggles. Her alarming pretty children were down for quiet time, so we got a chance to catch up which was very nice. We had a conversation regarding my trip to London and Paris and upon reflection, I realized that it really gives you a glimpse into who we are and how we think...also, after recounting the conversation to Godric, he laughingly told me that we were both pretty messed up.

So today, I offer you...

Giggles, JulieU and the Chunnel

JU: ...so we're taking the Chunnel to France after London.
Gig: The what?
JU: The chunnel.
Gig: What's that?
JU: It's a train that runs through a tunnel under the English Channel that separates Britain and France. I'm pretty excited that I get to say that I've been in a chunnel. I like the word chunnel.
Gig: But to go on it, you have to go under water. Right?
JU: Yep. But Godric tells me that we're only underwater for about 30 minutes.
Gig: And you're not freaked out about that?
JU: F*ck yeah I am. I am pretty convinced that someone is going to b0mb that thing while were on it. So even if I survive the b0mbing, I'm going to drown. Even though Godric and Mr. Mexillent have assured me that the chunnel is made up of several tunnels (including escape tunnels)*, I mean come on, you get a big enough b0mb and you can wipe out everything.
Gig: No kidding, well, how deep is it underwater?
JU: Godric says about 75 ft.*
Gig: Could you swim that?
JU: I dunno. I doubt it, I can barely hold my breath anyways. I freak out in 10 ft of water so I think 75 ft would be too much. I think you have to be a cliff diver or one of those deep sea divers to swim that.
Gig: Are there sharks in the English Channel?** I'm not too afraid of being blown up or drowning but a shark attack scares the crap out of me.
JU: Nice. So I could potentially survive a b0mbing, perhaps survive drowning, only to be eaten by a shark? I can't even think about this because I think I'll go nuts.

*(From the Chunnel website) The tunnel consists of 3 interconnected tubes: 1 rail track each way plus 1 service tunnel. Its length is 31 miles, of which 23 miles are underwater. Its average depth is 150 feet under the seabed. The channel crossing time for Eurostar is only 20 minutes.

**From this website:
Perhaps a better question than "why would there be White sharks off the UK?" is "why have we not come across Great Whites off the British coast before?" The water temperatures off the south coast of England (during the summer months, at least) are perfectly within the seven to 26C (44.6 - 78.8F) tolerance of the Great White and we have a decent population of seals. Indeed, specifically why we don’t see Great Whites off the UK is something of an enigma. Really, encountering a White shark off the South Coast of Britain would be no biological surprise at all.

...Thus, to sum up, there is currently no conclusive evidence that White sharks are to be found in British waters, although why this should be is rather baffling. Several anecdotal reports exist, some with very compelling accounts, but there is a sad lack of definite proof. Clearly, absence of evidence doesn't necessarily equal evidence of absence, but until we have conclusive verification, UK Great Whites are resigned to the selachian equivalent of the X-Files! Also in this group is the usually tropical Nurse Shark (Ginglymostoma cirratum), which was allegedly seen on the seafloor near Alderney (Channel Islands, UK) by two divers in July 2001. Excluding the aforementioned report, the most northerly East Atlantic records for the Nurse Shark, of which I'm aware, are sporadic catches from the Gulf of Gascony, France.

JulieU's Conclusion:
Looking at the graphic, I see that the chunnel isn't just laying across the bottom of the English Channel, rather it is in some from of rock. This makes me happy because if there is a b0mb, it would have to be a huge rockin' device to do serious damage and I hope that the Brit's TSA would have the ability to catch such a thing.

However, if they don't, and something happens, I now know that I can't swim my way out of danger and if I do, I'm sure all the Great White Sharks that are hanging out with the Loch Ness Monster in a magical body of water...will eat me. Thus providing conclusive proof that there are sharks in the English Channel.

So I guess if I gotta take one for the team, I'll at least serve as a warning to others. Nice. Just what I wanted out of a European vacation.

Well now...

2005-06-07T19:44:00.000-04:00

It seems that once I got the feeds and everything publishing correctly, I kinda lost my will to blog. Funny how that happens.

Nothing much has been happening. I've been dilligently working on our backyard.
I spent the better part of a weekend spreading 13 bags of Sc0tts Black Pine Mulch in the back yard.

I'm happy to report that most everything (well, everything I didn't pull out by mistake) grew back this spring.

Godric and I made a trip to Schwartz's Greenhouse in Romulus MI and purchased a carload of annuals for accent.

Check it out:

I bought some climbing Petunias at Meijers right before Godric's bday bbq and they haven't suffered any under my care.

How about that backyard you ask? Well, things are blooming quite nicely...

Notice the old lady geraniums punctuating the backyard. Yep, I am my grandma.

And how about the impatiens near the garage? They're growing quite nicely.

The garage porch is still the best part of our backyard!

So all is going quite well for the living things at the estate. Riley is fine and still furry (don't worry I'll be making his summer shave appointment soon).
Godric is working hard as always.
I'm shopping and fussing over things as usual.

So maybe that's why I haven't posted...really nothing interesting to post.

I swear, one day I am going to put my digital voice recorder in the car so I can record some of the ridiculous conversations that occur as Godric and I are enroute to various destinations.

Did someone order a vacation or two? How about an 'Up North Meal' with a side of 'Mexillent Cruise'
I've got our up north vacation planned. Whoa, I just realized that I have another payment due like NOW. Guess I gotta pay off the cottage rental with this paycheck...

Last night, The Mexillents and I booked our fall cruise to, what else, the Mexican Riviera...thus giving me two reasons to call it a Mexillent cruise. Nice.
It should be fun, as cruises always are. I've been reading some of the crazy stories that others have shared about their past cruises. I think the couple that travels with bears on cruise ships takes the cake. Apparently they are regular cruisers...people are just weird.
I've been doing some research and I think I want to swim with dolphins. Since they tend to scare away sharks, I figure that this big hunk of white meat is pretty safe. Our stingray adventure on the last cruise was such a smashing success (with me screaming for 45 minutes straight) I figure the Dolphins will be just as fun. We'll see...

Ok, that's all for now.

As close to nature as I get

2005-05-12T07:27:00.000-04:00

Our backyard was relandscaped last year and I think everything came back this year. Like this:

And how about my lilac bush? Yep, that came back, with the strength of 3 lilac bushes...

What you will notice is that our yard looks relatively free from weeds (something that killed my back last weekend) however our neighbor's weeds are seeking asylum in our yard. Damn broadleaf mo-fos!

And lastly, your Riley fix for the day. He got a bath this past weekend and last night I noticed that his head, once again, smells like pee. Way to headbutt the fence you just made wet, you mongrel.

Random Conversations: Sir Candidate

2005-04-29T16:58:00.000-04:00

I'm helping out on a friend's political campaign. Last night was a
meeting. I'd be disappointing Spoozy if I didn't post some of the
conversational gems from the evening…

The Candidate finished a long and detailed explanation of why one
committee had its name and mission revised to encompass a broader
message.
JulieU: Are you done? Because I'm now 10 minutes closer to my death and
I have nothing to show for it. What the heck does any of that have to
do with the issue at hand?

We're discussing the candidate's memberships in various community
organizations
JulieU: Ok, so Knights of that explorer guy. You're a member?
Candidate: Well, yes.
JulieU: Huh?
Candidate: Well, actually we're called Knights.
JulieU: So should we all call you Sir Candidate?

Random Conversations: Japanese Wizards

2005-03-18T16:56:00.000-05:00

Tuesday Night
JulieU: Godric, I took two 'Death Quizzes' today. One said that I would die by October 14th of 2053, the other in October of 2047. What's the deal with me dying in October?
Godric: Stop taking death tests you weirdo.

Thursday Night, while waiting for a train to pass at Northline and Allen Rds.
JulieU: Everytime I hear that 'Get a Star Named After You' Star Registry company's radio commerical, I think of your Dad and how he had one of those hanging in his trailer in Florida.
Godric: Yeah, my dad was all over that stuff. It only would have been cooler to him if it involved wizards, or maybe Japanese.
JulieU: Or maybe Japanese Wizards?
Godric: Japanese Wizard Star. That sounds like a Todd Rundgren record.

And the Oscar goes to...

2005-03-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

After hours and hours of tabulating the votes...
the winner of the 1st Annual JulieU Oscar Contest is:
Deb W.

Deb and I used to work together (before we were deemed unnecessary).

She'll be getting a wicked prize (still to be determined).

Here's the list of winners from Sunday's Academy Awards:

Best Movie Million Dollar Baby
Best Actor Jamie Foxx for Ray
Best Actress Hilary Swank for Million Dollar Baby
Best Supporting Actor Morgan Freeman for Million Dollar Baby
Best Supporting Actress Cate Blanchett for The Aviator
Best Director Clint Eastwood for Million Dollar Baby
Best Original Screenplay Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind -- Charlie Kaufman
Best Adapted Screenplay Sideways -- Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor
Cinematography The Aviator
Editing The Aviator
Art Direction The Aviator
Costume Design The Aviator
Original Score Finding Neverland
Original Song "Al Otro Lado Del Río" from The Motorcycle Diaries
Makeup Lemony Snicket
Sound Mixing Ray
Sound Editing The Incredibles
Visual Effects Spider-Man 2
Best Animated Feature Film: The Incredibles
Best Foreign Language Film: The Sea Inside (Spain)
Best Documentary Feature: Born Into Brothels: Calcutta
Best Documentary Short: Mighty Times: The Children
Best Live Action Short: Wasp
Best Animated Short: Ryan

Deb won with 14 correct answers. The average was between 9 and 10 answers correct. Good job Deb!

Now for some odd facts about this year's contest:
Only one person got the 'Best Animated Short' Category Correct: That would be Amy Kl.
Only one person got the 'Best Documentary Short' Category Correct: That's Barbra
Only two people got the 'Best Song' Category correct: Perl and Deb W.
13 of us were wrong, Million Dollar Baby was the 'Best Picture', not 'The Aviator'
80% of the Best Actor Votes went to Jamie Foxx
65% of the Best Actress Votes went to Hillary Swank
55% of participants thought that Clint Eastwood would win as best director (Not as much of a contest with Scorsese)

And just as I suspected, the minor categories (like sound and cinematography) stumped most people.

Deb, I'll be contacting you for your address (although I think I may have it) so's I can send youse your prize.

Guest Blogger: Davo (the bat story)

2004-12-20T16:43:00.000-05:00

Guest Blogger: Davo

Today I am featuring a story by our good friend Davo. Enjoy!

So I'm talking to my mom on the phone and out of the kitchen flys a bat who had a 1 foot wingspan. I kid you not. This thing had been eating well!!

So I call the police to see if they have any animal control in my area,
Police Lady: "what kind of animal?"
Davo: "a bat"
Police Lady: "oh no, they don't do wild animals"

Now I'm thinking to myself,

"Self: if it's NOT a wild animal, then what do I need animal control to come out for? a domesticated animal? Like I'm not gonna be able to get neighbor john's wandering beagle out of my house if he happens to mosey on over and dig into my fruity pebbles."

So I ask,
Davo: "well do you know any animal control people?"
Police Lady: "yeah, here's the # of animal free or some other dumb name: it's 24 hours"

I call the 24 hour place
24 Hour Guy: (grumpy) "yeah??"
Davo: "Is this pestBgone?"
24 Hour Guy: "yeah..."
Davo: "Well, I have a bat in my house, can you come get it out"
24 Hour Guy "how many bats?"
Davo: "Just one".
24 Hour Guy: "At this hour of the night?" (its about 11 pm).

Now I'm thinking to myself,

"Self: the lady DID say it was a 24 hour place, right?"

24 Hour Guy: "Well, it's not really worth it to me to come out this late at night (being the 24 hour service that he is). See if it leaves, and if it doesn't call me in the morning."

CALL. ME. IN. THE. MORNING.

Now I'm thinking again to myself,

"self: did he just say wait ALL NIGHT in my house with my new friend?"

Davo: "What? I should just leave a door open or something?"
24 Hour Guy: "Yeah, leave some avenues of escape open. If he's not gone in the morning give me a call"

I'm thinking again...

"There's no way on EARTH I'm just leaving a couple doors open especially the back door and sitting around all night and hoping this bat leaves as I'm trying to sleep all night."

So I'm freaked. I call my mom and me and my mom prayed. I feel a little better. I get the courage to walk into the kitchen...OK, actually, I threw an empty box into the kitchen.

Nothing gets scared up, so I peek into the upper corner and WHAM!!!

..Just kidding. There's nothing there. Then I look over to my right and see this thing clingin' to my kitchen cabinet...I'm tellin' ya this thing is HUGE for a bat!! It's body is literally TWICE the size of a normal bats' body.

Well I get the great idea that I can trap it in one of my cardboard LP boxes, slide another piece of cardboard under it, trap the thing in the box, and throw the box out the window.

I sneak into the kitchen holding the boxes' flaps open, trying to hold the large flat piece of cardboard Ii ripped of another box to slide under the LP box.

I'm sweatin' and waiting for this thing to take of like a...like a...like a bat out of hell, I guess.

Anywho, I sneak...sneak...sneak...I see it's ears twitch. It knows something is up. I stare into his beady little eyes...OK, I couldn't see his eyes, so I was staring at his beady little...clawed back foot and little twitchy ears.

FINALLY our showdown comes to a head. I realize it's now or never. Howling like William Wallace I LUNGE at the bat with the box......

...and trap him inside!

I can actually feel him bouncing off the bottom of the box against my hand. I press one hand FIRMLY against the bottom of the box, and sloooooowwwly slip the piece of cardboard under the box. Now the bat isn't moving ...did it get away? Did I push it out some hole in the box?

No..impossible...isn't it?

I finally finish sliding the piece of cardboard under the box. Now I slowwwly grab the piece of cardboard and hold it FIRMLY against the top of the box so the bat can't get out.

What's that?!?!
There's a rip in the piece of cardboard!! He could get out through that rip if he pushed on it!!!

arrrrggghhhh!!!

I slip my hand over to the rip to CLOSE THE ESCAPE ROUTE, all the while sliding my forearm along the piece of cardboard so it will stay down.
I tiptoe in fast motion (a la Benny Hill style) to my door which is now WIDE open (hoping the bat would fly out earlier)

I FLING the box with cardboard cover out onto my walkway and slam the door behind me...hesitating only long enough to confirm the bat is indeed sitting on the ground next to the box.

I let out a YAHHOOOOOO!
Like the warrior princess ...errr...prince I am, go back to the phone, talk to my mom some more, and then type this story.
-DAVO-

PS: true story...all of it except the part about the William Wallace scream...I made that part up.